[11] Reflecting Greatness – Gratitude as Insight

When I decided to leave New York Life, I struggled with how to craft meaningful individual farewell messages for my closest colleagues. I wanted to express my gratitude in a way that matched the deep impact they had on me.

Gratitude is often seen as a small gesture of connection. It’s also a way to boost your own outlook, especially in difficult times. But I was choosing to leave for an exciting opportunity, requiring me to step back from these relationships. How could gratitude work here?

I came to see that the most meaningful form of gratitude is insight: offering someone a reflection of their own greatness. The best way to honor my time with exceptional colleagues (especially junior team members and peers) was to name the specific behaviors that had a lasting impact on me. I was surprised to find that many seemingly didn’t realize just how special they are. That made the gift even more valuable.

The broader application is we often recognize our colleagues’ strengths better than they recognize their own. We owe it to them to share that perspective as specifically and personally as possible. Likewise, we should reflect more deeply on the positive feedback we receive. It’s how we come to better understand what sets us apart.

Of course, humility gets in the way here, and rightly so. Our strengths often feel ordinary to us because they come so naturally. But that’s exactly why calling them out matters. When we highlight someone’s specific greatness, they come to see it clearly as a differentiator, and we help them perpetuate their excellence.

Surprisingly, one of my hardest goodbyes was to Rene, who’s worked the NYL cafeteria grill and made my breakfast sandwich for 15 years. As hundreds can attest, Rene is a force. He churns through orders with relentless speed and even starts your “usual” as soon as he sees you approach. I deeply admire his commitment to service, and I finally told him that in detail two weeks ago. While I’m glad I did, I’m ashamed it took me 15 years to say more than a daily “thanks.” It made me wonder how often he receives that kind of deep acknowledgment.

Just as we should share gratitude, we should also pause to reflect on the thoughtful feedback we receive. I’m wired to focus on what could have gone better, rather than what went well, but I’ve come to see the value of taking positive feedback to heart. It helps us better appreciate our strengths and lean into them fully.

For me, it took a major career step to learn how to express my gratitude more openly. I hope this reflection inspires you to connect with the people who’ve made the biggest impact on you.