12) Values Over Comfort – Insights on a meaningful life

Today is deeply meaningful for me: it marks seven years since my sister Kristin passed away and is my son Theo’s 3rd birthday. Today I reflect on how committing to values over comfort leads to a meaningful life.

During Kristin’s illness, there were several months she spent intubated and on life support at Mass General Hospital in Boston. For six days each week, my parents made a five-hour round trip commute from Cape Cod to be by her side, returning each night to sleep in their own beds. On the surface, it was a grueling routine, one that most people in their 60s would find exhausting and unfair. But my parents never saw it that way. To them, this was simply part of what it meant to be a parent, and those daily trips were, without question, the most valuable use of their time.

The broader application is that acting on our values and commitments creates meaning, while focusing on fairness or comfort can distract us from showing up at our best. This truth is especially clear in moments of crisis, but it matters just as much in everyday life. It’s easy to feel stretched thin by the demands of our work, family, and community. But these are the few commitments we choose and bring us our deepest sense of purpose. As long they align with our values, the stress and challenges they bring should be embraced rather than resented.

A commitment to values is, above all, action-based. It means pushing your limits and living in service of others. It’s contagious: committing to integrity inspires others to help achieve a common goal or handle a challenging situation. Our daily actions, far more than our thoughts or intentions, reflect who we are and aspire to be. My parents modeled this through selfless, consistent action by showing up at Kristin’s bedside, learning about her illness, and working with her doctors to ensure the best possible care.

In my own life, I try to align my values and responsibilities by being clear about what matters most and heavily investing in a reputation for reliability. I want to be known for a deep commitment to producing high-value work throughout the workweek and still make it home most nights for dinner with my family. I want to invest time and money in my community through nonprofit board service. And I reenergize by deliberately orienting most of my “free” time as investments in physical and mental health, knowing that the ability to thoughtfully recharge helps perpetuate my ability to serve others. To accommodate this lifestyle, I willingly let go of many leisurely activities that filled my pre-parenting years. Their absence creates room for more meaningful priorities: my family, my work, and the flexibility to meet growing responsibilities.

This lifestyle can be stressful and is never easy. But I don’t believe most of us are looking for easy. When our life is rooted in self-identified values, then the cost to honor them is a bargain compared to the meaning they generate.

As a parent, I want my son to choose challenging over easy. I want him to discover what matters most to him and devote his talents to uplifting the communities he chooses to belong to. I hope that someday he will look up to me as I do my parents, and understand that the difficult, values-driven path is more rewarding than the comfortable one. And if he’s ever faced with a crisis, I hope his values will guide him with clarity.

To my fellow working parents of young kids: this might feel like the most challenging season of your life. It probably is. But it’s also an unparalleled opportunity to create meaning by living out your values across all domains. Embrace it.

“This is a state of grace,

This is the worthwhile fight,

Love Life is a ruthless game,

Unless you play it good and right”

Taylor Swift – “State of Grace”