[Book 28] Magic Words by Jonah Berger

Magic Words provides an insightful explanation of how seemingly minor language choices can significantly impact message receptivity. This book introduces six types of “magic words” to: (1) activate identity and agency, (2) convey confidence, (3) ask the right questions, (4) leverage concreteness, (5) employ emotion, and (6) harness similarity (and difference).

For example, to encourage someone to take a desirable action, suggesting that it’s part of their identity (a noun) is more effective than asking them to perform the action (a verb). To apply this, motivate a team member to “be a leader” instead of ”to lead” or encourage your child to “be a helper” instead of “to help”.

Jonah also discussed when to use concrete versus abstract language. Concrete language is ideal for signaling to a coworker or client that you’ve listened, understood, and can empathize by relaying back specific details and proposing next steps. On the other hand, abstract language is suitable when you want to convey the potential of a fledgling idea, where specific details are yet to be known.

This summary highlights just a couple of the book’s examples to enhance receptivity. Overall, this book has helped me message more effectively, and recognize successful tactics used by expert communicators.

You should read this book if you…

• want to improve the effectiveness of your communication
• seek to understand how people develop a following
• find that how others interpret your words is often different from your intentions

Favorite Quote

“Decades of research on so-called hedonic adaptation, however, has found that people adapt to their situation. Whether looking at positive things, like winning the lottery, or negative ones, like being injured in a major accident, people adjust and eventually return to their normal level of happiness. And because people tend to adapt, interrupting positive things with negative ones can actually increase enjoyment“

Additional Information

Year Published: 2023
Book Ranking (from 1-10): 9 – Excellent – Broad and very well articulated insights
Ease of Read (from 1-5): 3 – Average

Key Highlights

1. Specifically, we’ll discuss six types of magic words: words that (1) activate identity and agency, (2) convey confidence, (3) ask the right questions, (4) leverage concreteness, (5) employ emotion, and (6) harness similarity (and difference)
2. Category labels often imply a degree of permanence or stability. Rather than noting what someone did or does, feels or felt, category labels hint at a deeper essence: Who someone is. Regardless of time or situation, this is the type of person they are. That they will always be that way
3. While “can’t” isn’t as effective in avoiding temptation because it suggests the driver of behavior is external, this same reason actually makes it particularly useful for turning down unwanted requests
4. “Could” led to more innovative solutions because it encouraged divergent thinking. Thinking outside the box and without boundaries. Considering multiple approaches, encouraging new connections, and reducing the likelihood of settling for obvious answers
5. “You” draws attention, increases relevance, and makes readers feel like someone is speaking directly to them
6. Questions like “Did you feed the dog?” or “Did you check when the paperwork is due?” can feel accusatory. The intent may be benign, just a request for information, but they can easily be interpreted negatively. Who said it was my responsibility, or why wouldn’t I have taken care of it? A subtle shift in phrasing (“Has the dog had dinner?”) is less likely to generate blowback. By focusing on the action rather than the actor, it removes any suggestion of reproach. I’m not suggesting that it’s your job, I just want to find out whether it happened so I can do it if it hasn’t
7. Four ways to speak with confidence are to: (1) ditch the hedges, (2) don’t hesitate, (3) turn pasts into presents, and (4) know when to express doubt
8. In fact, a “lower-status” speaker who didn’t hesitate was perceived more positively than a “higher-status” speaker who did. Style trumped status
9. If certainty is always convincing, such an expression of doubt should reduce influence. After all, it’s hard to be persuaded about something if the persuader isn’t even sure they’re right. But in this context, it turned out that the exact opposite occurred. Expressing doubt about a contentious issue actually increased persuasion. Particularly among people who already had strong beliefs, hearing someone else wasn’t sure about their opinion encouraged them to change their mind in that direction
10. When the scientists analyzed the results, they found that asking for advice had made people think their partner was more competent, not less. And the reason why has everything to do with how asking someone for advice makes them feel. People like feeling smart. They like feeling that other people think they’re intelligent or have valuable things to say. So asking for advice can make us look smart because it strokes the advice giver’s ego. Rather than thinking we’re not capable or are stupid for asking, advice givers draw a very different conclusion: “Of course my opinions are valuable, so this person is smart for asking for them.”
11. Four strategies for asking better questions are to: (1) follow up, (2) deflect difficulties, (3) avoid making assumptions, and (4) start safe, then build
12. Consequently, responding with a relevant question flips the script. Rather than seeming evasive, it seems interested and engaged. Rather than making us look disagreeable and untrustworthy, it makes us look like we care and want to learn more
13. But even controlling for what people called about, customer demographics, and dozens of other factors, how agents talked played an important role. A certain way of speaking boosted customer satisfaction. And to understand that way of speaking, we have to understand a fourth type of magic words: what’s known as linguistic concreteness. Three ways to apply it are to: (1) make people feel heard, (2) make the abstract concrete, and (3) know when it’s better to be abstract
14. But for someone to feel heard, three things have to happen. First, they have to feel like the other person paid attention to what they said. Second, they have to feel like the other person understood what they said. And third, the other person has to demonstrate that they listened
15. And while concrete language is great for increasing understanding, or for making complex topics easier to comprehend, when it comes to things like such as describing a company’s growth potential, abstract language is better, because while concrete language focuses on the tangible here and now, abstract language gets into the bigger picture
16. Decades of research on so-called hedonic adaptation, however, has found that people adapt to their situation. Whether looking at positive things, like winning the lottery, or negative ones, like being injured in a major accident, people adjust and eventually return to their normal level of happiness. And because people tend to adapt, interrupting positive things with negative ones can actually increase enjoyment
17. For things like résumés and job applications, most evaluators have a utilitarian outlook. Like buying a product to fill a need, they’re looking for people who can solve a problem or add value. So don’t just list positive adjectives, pick the right ones. In most situations, less emotionality should be better, and emotional language may backfire—unless the company prides itself on its company culture or employees’ being “part of the family.”
18. The researchers analyzed employees’ linguistic style. In particular, how similar people’s linguistic style was to that of their coworkers Or, said another way, their cultural fit. Whether employees used language the same way as others around them. Whether someone used personal pronouns (e.g., “we” or “I”) when communicating with colleagues who used them a lot or used articles (e.g., “a” or “the”) and prepositions (e.g., “in” or “to”) to a similar degree as their peers. The results were remarkable. Similarity shaped success. Employees whose linguistic style was more similar to their coworkers’ were three times more likely to be promoted. They received better performance evaluations and higher bonuses
19. Words not only influence and affect the people who listen to or read them, they also reflect and reveal things about the person (or people) who created them